Our first child was born in October of 2010. Time is flying by and he is changing so much! This blog is dedicated to documenting all the special moments and milestones we share together as a family.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

1st Birthday Letter

Dear Maika,

Each year on your birthday, I plan to write you a letter so that you can look back and know just how special you are and how much you are loved. I have been procrastinating a bit, because writing this letter means I have to admit you are growing up. It seems like just yesterday you were born. I blinked, and now you are one!

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I didn't realize how much I would absolutely love being your mama! My precious son, you are such an amazing little person! When you were an "inside baby," I wondered what you would look like and what your personality would be like. When you were just a day old, I held you to my chest to burp you after you nursed. You wrapped your tiny, chubby arm around my neck and rubbed my back. Your sweet personality was already noticeable. It melts my heart when you give kisses. You are such a sensitive and gentle baby. I love watching your willingness to share with your friends. When playing with an object, you offer it to others, although usually expecting to get it back and none too happy if your toy isn't returned.

Your judicious nature is different from my own, but makes me want to protect and comfort you. I can tell you will be someone who thinks things through and makes good decisions. I think you have inherited your Tata's engineering mind, the way you cautiously pick up your toys, turn them in your hands and examine them from every angle. I am in awe of how quickly you learn. You are already saying a few words that we can understand.

Your expressions are priceless. Your big blue eyes are caring and expressive. When you were first born, Tata and I thought you were the most beautiful baby we had ever seen. We didn't think you could get any cuter, yet somehow everyday I look at you and think you are more handsome than the day before. You are such a character, with your fake coughing and laughing. You bring us so much joy and fulfillment.

Being new parents, sometimes we feel like we are experimenting with what works best and figuring out our parenting style as we go along (sorry). During this past year, we've had some rough and sleepless nights that have taught me to be a more patient person. Those long nights have made for a tired mama but have also strengthened our bond.

You have given us so much, just by being you. After trying for three years to have a baby, Tata and I thought it might be just the two of us. When you were born, you filled a hole we didn't even know was missing. Now that you have been in our life for those nine (really ten) months, plus one year, it is hard to imagine what life was like before you.

Because of you, Tata and I have become better people. We have learned, and are still learning to communicate more clearly and have a stronger relationship. When I see Tata playing with you and how proud he is of you, I love him even more.

As a mama, I have become less judgmental. Before you came along, I said things like "my baby will be sleeping in his crib after two months, we will be on a schedule, my house will be clean," I could go on and on. Well, you are a year old and still sleeping in our bed, Tata and I follow your schedule, and someday the house will be clean. For now, I just want to enjoy every moment I can with you.

I now have a more altruistic view of the world and what is truly important. Since you were born, I see so much that is positive and wonderful that I want to share with you. Watching you grow is like discovering the world for the first time, through a different lens. I hope to be an example for you of how to love and treat others.

You have opened up a whole new world for me. During my pregnancy and since your birth I met a fabulous group of women with whom I have become best friends. I also have a better understanding of my friends who had children prior to me.  It is such a blessing to watch you and your friends growing up together.

You have taught me what unconditional love really means. When you are sleeping, I often have to resist the urge to pick you up and snuggle you. Some days I feel like I need a break, but when I am away from you for any length of time, I miss you like crazy and can hardly wait to get home and have you in my arms again. When I think about you, my heart is overflowing. Because of you, I have a greater capacity to love others. I am honored that God chose me to be your mama. You are the greatest gift I have ever received.

It makes me sad that you are growing up so quickly, but at the same time, I am excited every morning to see what new things you will learn. I look forward to every year of your future and all the adventures we will have. You make us laugh and smile each and every day. Happy 1st Birthday, my little Bean!

I love you with all my heart,

Mama